Celebrity Skin
Growing up in L.A. and working retail, I have had many occassions to interact with celebrities. Nevermind that I was usually fetching their size for them or helping them pick out layette...
Pamela Anderson
Very, very short. Enormous knockers, but only in proportion to her frame. Put those tits on a normal-sized woman and there's nothing special. Her skin was quite freckly, and not in the aren't I cute way, but in the yiiiikes sun damage way. I feel bad talking shit about her, because she was really very nice. She bought a round crib.
Marlee Matlin
Marlee was always nice to me personally, but she was very demanding and always had her saleswoman with whom she dealt exclusively. She hated the owner of the store, and made no bones about shooting her nasty looks. I never knew the backstory, but it was definitely a strange interaction.
Carmen Electra
This bitch is busted. She was wearing an unbelievable amount of makeup (to go shopping at the Glendale Galleria, wtf??), had two bodyguards at all times (again, at the Galleria, wtf??), and was beyond rude. She looks great in pictures, but up close the milk has most definitely gone bad.
Jennifer Love-Hewitt
OK, so she isn't the best actress in the world, and her singing abilities are questionable, but she is one of the nicest customers I have ever had. I was working a Sunday shift by myself (!), and she was not only patient, but sympathized with my plight. She bought about six pairs of shoes, too. She was little and thin, but not in a scary way. Really, she looked good.
Carson Daly
Carson came in with JLH (this is back when he was cute, they were dating, and dinosaurs roamed the earth). Now, Carson was a celebrity of sorts to me long before he started doing that TRL nonsense, because he was a DJ on LA's best radio station, KROQ. As the host of the Furious Five at Nine, my teenage mind looked to Carson to announce that Nine Inch Nails had held on to the number one spot with Perfect Drug. Naturally, when he and JLH came in, I was much more excited to see him, but he turned out to be a pompous jerk. V. unimpressive. Also, he looked like he was coming down off a ridiculous bender.
Zheng Haixia
If you didn't live in L.A. in the mid to late nineties, I won't begrudge you the fact that you have no idea who this is. L.A.'s WNBA team is the Sparks, and since we had Lisa Leslie (who I guess was a big deal), everybody was paying attention to the team. In 1996, this absolutely enormous Chinese woman was drafted. Now, I've seen basketball players in person before, but this woman was unreal. She came into the shoe store to buy a few gifts for her sister and her mother in China, and she picked up our display shoes to examine them. They looked like little dolly shoes in her gigantic mitts. Her hands had to be over a foot long. She had to duck when she came in the door, and when she sat down on the bench to wait for the shoes to come out, her knees were up past her ears. Never in my life have I seen a larger person. Check out this picture. ZHENG HAIXIA SMASH!!
Jerry Seinfeld
I worked for Steve Madden shoes, which at the time only sold women's footwear. Jerry Seinfeld walked in, looked around, and said, "Man's name... women's shoes!" Then, just as quickly as he'd come into our lives, he left.
Pamela Anderson
Very, very short. Enormous knockers, but only in proportion to her frame. Put those tits on a normal-sized woman and there's nothing special. Her skin was quite freckly, and not in the aren't I cute way, but in the yiiiikes sun damage way. I feel bad talking shit about her, because she was really very nice. She bought a round crib.
Marlee Matlin
Marlee was always nice to me personally, but she was very demanding and always had her saleswoman with whom she dealt exclusively. She hated the owner of the store, and made no bones about shooting her nasty looks. I never knew the backstory, but it was definitely a strange interaction.
Carmen Electra
This bitch is busted. She was wearing an unbelievable amount of makeup (to go shopping at the Glendale Galleria, wtf??), had two bodyguards at all times (again, at the Galleria, wtf??), and was beyond rude. She looks great in pictures, but up close the milk has most definitely gone bad.
Jennifer Love-Hewitt
OK, so she isn't the best actress in the world, and her singing abilities are questionable, but she is one of the nicest customers I have ever had. I was working a Sunday shift by myself (!), and she was not only patient, but sympathized with my plight. She bought about six pairs of shoes, too. She was little and thin, but not in a scary way. Really, she looked good.
Carson Daly
Carson came in with JLH (this is back when he was cute, they were dating, and dinosaurs roamed the earth). Now, Carson was a celebrity of sorts to me long before he started doing that TRL nonsense, because he was a DJ on LA's best radio station, KROQ. As the host of the Furious Five at Nine, my teenage mind looked to Carson to announce that Nine Inch Nails had held on to the number one spot with Perfect Drug. Naturally, when he and JLH came in, I was much more excited to see him, but he turned out to be a pompous jerk. V. unimpressive. Also, he looked like he was coming down off a ridiculous bender.
Zheng Haixia
If you didn't live in L.A. in the mid to late nineties, I won't begrudge you the fact that you have no idea who this is. L.A.'s WNBA team is the Sparks, and since we had Lisa Leslie (who I guess was a big deal), everybody was paying attention to the team. In 1996, this absolutely enormous Chinese woman was drafted. Now, I've seen basketball players in person before, but this woman was unreal. She came into the shoe store to buy a few gifts for her sister and her mother in China, and she picked up our display shoes to examine them. They looked like little dolly shoes in her gigantic mitts. Her hands had to be over a foot long. She had to duck when she came in the door, and when she sat down on the bench to wait for the shoes to come out, her knees were up past her ears. Never in my life have I seen a larger person. Check out this picture. ZHENG HAIXIA SMASH!!
Jerry Seinfeld
I worked for Steve Madden shoes, which at the time only sold women's footwear. Jerry Seinfeld walked in, looked around, and said, "Man's name... women's shoes!" Then, just as quickly as he'd come into our lives, he left.
posted by Liz at 4:57 PM
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